you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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