bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
