I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
