literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
