I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
