I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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