After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
