He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
