chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
not ubering you a puppy
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
