smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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