I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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