Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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