Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
