Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
