Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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