you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
