Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
