i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
