sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
