Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
