i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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