you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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