Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
