i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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