Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
