so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
