I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
