pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
