Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
