9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
