I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
