well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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