I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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