Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
