I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
