just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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