I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
