I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
