I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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