I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
