I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
In America we eat man semen.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
