he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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