eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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