you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
