I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
