i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
