guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
