my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
