I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
