im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
