youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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