Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
